Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
