His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
