I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
