He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
