Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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