i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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