I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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