Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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