I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
