The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
