So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
