A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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