Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
