I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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