Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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