you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
