God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
