I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
