I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize