Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
