So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
