If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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