Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think my tv is drunk
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
