Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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