All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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