dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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