I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
