Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I could fuck to npr.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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