I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
