so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
