it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
