She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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