I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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