Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My nipple is on Facebook.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
