dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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