either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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