He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
