So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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