I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence