my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk