Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Floor bacon is actually really good