Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
