can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
