Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
