I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
