call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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