a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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