pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
