a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
