Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
