I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
