Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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