I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
