Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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