Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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