Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
