just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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