i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
