Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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