i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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