This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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