The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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