"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
