Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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