It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
