Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
