After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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