I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
