his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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