Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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